so, after a looooong while, i've decided to blog again. about something completely insignificant.
basically, the thing is, i can't wear backpacks. i don't mean that i'm physically unable to wear them because of some random back deformation or inexplicable phobia. i'm just not capable of pulling off that loose backpack-wearer look. you know, like the hip high school kids that just let their bookbags nonchalantly hang off one of their shoulders on one strap. or like the skater boys and girls with the big colorful backpacks by burton or dakine with skateboards strapped onto them with special velcro holders and the excessively long straps extending off their upper backs, kind of hanging flat over their butts. mine never hangs like that. it usually protrudes outward in an awkward manner.
now this situation has remained unchanged since my early childhood, when i started going to school wearing those giant old-fashioned backpacks with tons of books i really didn't need. then i had less books, but a bigger lunchbox, and again, the protrusion had no end. then more books again, which led to a torpedo-esque silhouette of the backpack area. still, unabashed by this immense uncoolness, i recently bought this cute little backpack:
i was seriously considering one of the above-mentioned skater backpacks, but 1) they are pricey, and 2) this one was really, really cute and on sale.
unfortunately, it protrudes outward as much as all of my previous backpacks put together. i put stuff in it - didn't help. i made the straps longer in an effort to make the stuff gravitate towards my butt (you'd think gravity would do the job, right?) - to no avail. still protruding outward. i give up.
i think it may simply be because i'm just a geek.
on a side note, i've been listening to a lot of alicia keys today. did it ever strike anyone else than just me that she has the perfect last name considering how much time she spends pounding a piano keyboard? maybe it's just an artistic pseudonym. mental note: must. google. that.
so, after a loooong time... i'm back! for a while, anyway. lots of stuff has changed, and i have a whole lot of studying for my bachelor's exam that i'm not doing. but i'll fill in the missing info later, because the actual point of this entry is that i wanted to do a meme:-D and thanks to the special cut system, this is the best place to do it without clogging up my tumblr dashboard or making an ugly long entry on blogspot. so yay for livejournal!! k here goes:
aside from all that's been going on in my life (which, sadly, is not all that much) - this is what i'm happiest about at the moment!!!!
bow down to adam małysz and his excellent mustache of awesomeness!!!!!!
he totally killed it, and i'm soooo proud to be polish and a fan of his!!
aww. i know it's not gold, and ammann did do amazingly well, bla bla bla. but adam... he's just the epitome of class. i love him to bits and pieces. so glad he managed to do so well, and put everyone else in their place, including schlierenzauer. thou shalt respect the mustache. (you too, ammann. pushing your luck, buddy, pushing your luck.)
no, but for real... yay!!! can't wait to see the team competition and nordic combined this week.
oh, and also: tonda hájek came in 7th!!! how cool is that?? so good to see him back and better than ever after that horrid car crash. another thing to smile about :-)
so yeah, with that, i'm off to study a bit, because i might have to take an exam tomorrow. crazy!!
i am sooooo stoked to watch the olympic ski jumping competition today. you have no idea!!!! haven't been this excited for ages ;] i'm reeeeaaaaalllllyyyyy rooting for adam małysz - he has to win gold...he just has to!!! also, i'd really love janne ahonen to get a medal - he's just such an epic, epic competitor, and i think he really deserves it. so those are the two i want medals for the most... other than that, i'm kinda rooting for andi kofler - not sure why, think it would be nice if he did good... and of course the other polish boys, as well as the czechs to some extent. real glad about their recent good results, see how that goes. oh, and the americans!! not sure how far they can take things, since they've still got a long way to go, but i think if you consider the problems they have to face - lack of sponsorship, working to put themselves through the season - then they seem to be making progress, and i hope they can get past this crap. so hellz yeaaaah!!!! olympics!!! :-D so, so psyched.
oh, and of course - nordic combined tomorrow. real excited about that too. again, i'll be rooting for the yanks haha... todd lodwick and billy demong did great at the world championships last year in liberec, so i hope they'll be killing it in whistler as well!! then there's jason lamy-chappuis, who's just fine and dandy, and i do have me a bit of a soft spot for magnus moan as well. then there's hannu manninen and felix gottwald back in the hizzouse...not sure what to expect!! so crazy!! so i can't wait.
the only sad part is the death of the georgian luge competitor - so shocking. :-(( r.i.p.
i don't know how i'm ever gonna do this blogging thing if i'm totally inconsistent, don't get any comments, and when i do - i fail to answer them.
but.
i will say this much: i'm an educated fool with money on my mind! word.
finally got my master's degree like 2 weeks ago...it was awesome. it's really nothing, the title, haha, but it sounds fun. would be more fun if i had a phd though. that'd be bonkers! the master's exam was a breeze, pretty awesome. and, i got an A on my thesis - not too shabby for little old me, right? haha...so that's a load off my mind. now i only have to write 2 exams this week, and another doozy the week after that. then it's off to zakopane for some sweet continental cup jumping. my bff will finally be there after coming back from vienna, so i'm totally psyched.
funny thing is, i just came back from zako yesterday. i was there for the world cup, which was pretty unexpected, since i hadn't planned on going. i'd just planned to go there for the party on saturday, which would've been just as well, since i got totally wasted haha...but i'm glad i was there on friday, because i could see the kroisos concert :-D it was awesome!! especially when they played the old vieraileva tähti songs...i used to listen to them so much when i was like 17!! it was such a fun blast from the past. and concerts are always awesome. so yeah...i really liked it there this time around, because everyone was super nice, not like in past years, where i'd experienced lots of unnecessary drama haha... well, to be honest, there was some drama, but i'm probably reading too much into it. i had a great time though... there was no beef between people i know, really peaceful and pleasant, just good, plain fun. yeah, i know...boring ;-))
so now i have a ton of neglected schoolwork, as usual, and i'm not even doing anything about it. talk about your daily stupid. so i guess i'll check back when i'm not up to my ears in study material and actually have something smart to say. (well, a girl can hope...)
so. the winter season has started again :-) this time around, i'm more excited about the nordic combined competitions than ski jumping. not sure why that is... probably because i don't seem to have a lot of faves in ski jumping anymore... especially since adam małysz didn't qualify for today's competition ;-p but i'm sure it was a fluke and he'll be back on top soon enough :-) but i have to say it is exciting that janne ahonen is back. really glad about that!! :-D i have a big sentiment for him because he's one of the few jumpers still around since the time i started to watch ski jumping ;-)) but there are some comebacks in nc too, with hannu manninen and felix gottwald... so i'm pretty curious :-D yay, my sports geekishness is back!!!
oh, and, to top it all off: jason lamy chappuis won the nordic combined event!! i think he's beginning to be my favorite lol... he seems so wholesome and good, and is totally talented. so yay for him!!
to celebrate all the jumping madness, here's the video to van halen's "jump" - the song is always played at ski jumping competitions, and it's just genius ;-) but the video is great as well!! i can't get over how hot david lee roth used to be back then ;-)) now that's a real showman!! i loooove the 80's, with the hair, the clothes, the guitars... rock was so glam:-D amazing. this song is never gonna be the same to me... it's just gotten even better :-)
okay, that's about all from me for today!! oh, and if you get the chance, check this site out. it's the website of a great comedian named jon lajoie... he's hilarious!! if you like a lot of pointless profanity, that is ;-)))
...well, not really. but! i've finished my master's thesis. i think it blows isn't the best piece of compiled linguistic mumbo-jumbo i've ever seen, but i hope it will suffice to get me my desired master's degree. so many of my friends have already got it behind them, i long to soon join their ranks ever so desperately. it was the most curious thing, really, to conceive this piece of quasi-scientific psychobabble... i had written half of it over a span of two years, and then finished the rest in less than a week. every day i went to sleep at 2 am, having writen a page or so, and telling myself i would keep my due date if i wrote 5 pages the next day, or 7 the day after that, or 10 the day after that. and each day i would do less and less, until 2 days before the due date, when pages started to suddenly appear, much to my amazement, as if all on their own. it was rather magical, haha. now i have to hope that it's not a complete bunch of crap, so i can get on with my life with a higher education. that is, before i get my bachelor's degree in swedish next june (God willing).
other than that, i've been having some odd thoughts lately. i could come up with some clever prologue to make this post look all smart and edgy, but it's late and i have to pack, so i'll just go ahead and say what's on my mind without any further ado. the thing is, i've been thinking about death. but what's weird about it is, it's not just like: "death. wonder what that's like?", followed by a brief deliberation about the light at the end of the tunnel and a hasty return to regular musings pertaining to boys, booze and neglected schoolwork. this time, i lingered on the subject slightly longer than usual, thinking about stuff like salvation, purgatory, heaven and hell, and whether they exist, all or just some, in one form or another, or if it's maybe all totally different than we imagine, because as inferior creatures, we can only wonder what the afterlife holds and in what form. sooner or later, it's imperative that we're all going to die. it's just a question of when and how. and what does it feel like? when you just jump over those thoughts, they don't hit you as hard as is the case when you ponder over them a bit. it's actually quite scary. and you can put it off, because it seems so far away. but... well yeah... but what? i don't even know. it's just there. the thought of it. and i don't know what to think about it, because, well, there are so many things i don't know. it's limiting. i need to do something about that. i can't learn much about death, nor do i want to... but other things.
okay, i'm going to pack now. i just creeped myself out there.
man, have i got lots to do. but one thing is kinda keeping me going... i've miraculously found a way to fulfill a dream i've had for the past 8 years or so. i can't quite believe it yet, and there are many obstacles i still need to get past... but it seems plausible. it really looks like i can do this. it's so crazy... but i'm so, so curious if it will work. :-D
with that, i'm off to try and remove a large obstacle in the form of neglected schoolwork. :S
i have a whole bunch of stuff to do and as usual, i'm lacking the motivation. i've got my work cut out for me, but it's so hard to get down and dirty, you know what i mean? but yeah... i'm gonna try in a matter of minutes. i reeeeally, really am.
other than that, summer has come and gone, it was pretty nice, but i wish i'd used it more constructively. but then again, that's nothing new.
i'm not a very creative blogger today (which is not unlike most days), so i'll just go now.
i feel so indescribably sad right now. the interesting thing is, i'm also feeling very motivated and willing to act on my life... and do something to make it better. it's just that... it's not fair. never you mind, what. but i wish i had 5 or 6 more years until my age. i feel so old. and i know 24 is not very old. it's actually very young. but still... i need to have my fun. do the things i want to do, explore my interests, enjoy myself in every way i can. i need it more than i can express. and i feel like, for some reason, i can't. it's the most limiting feeling in the world. maybe it's just the fear holding me back. the only thing i'm glad about is that i'm beginning to know what i want, and that gives me hope, because maybe i'll also begin to try and get it.
i'm just so disappointed in myself. i'm not doing anything constructive. i think that's where the motivation has finally started coming from. i know that i'm good-for-nothing right now, and i want to change that. i finally, honestly, indisputably do. there is nothing i want more. i want to make something of myself so that i can finally be proud of myself for a change. i wish i weren't so irresponsible. i wish i could make the right decisions... if not all the time, then most of the time. i wish i wouldn't hate myself everytime i make a stupid mistake, but try to learn from it and improve the next time. there are some mistakes one has to make, i suppose.
...well that's just ridiculous. time's not money. true, you can spend money and get something back. same goes for time. and you shouldn't just let either slip through your fingers, because you're surely going to regret it later. but the big difference here is this: you can earn more money if you've got the smarts and/or hard-working attitude needed for it. but there is positively no way you can get lost time back.
...or something. so it's finally happened. i'm 24. i can no longer happily sing "nobody likes you when you're 23..." which is bad, because i incidentally most probably am more amused by tv shows, prank phone calls and random ADD attacks. one of the kids i teach asked my age, and, upon hearing the sordid truth, proclaimed that i'm old. she then went on to muse that she'd thought i was 44 in the first place... so i'm willing to gleefully blame that on a 6-year-old's inability to correctly estimate ages exceeding theirs by more than 3 years. (mind you, i still get asked for identification quite frequently when buying alcoholic beverages. get a kick out of it every time, too...even if i'm sent home empty-handed upon forgetting my id, the round trip is totally worth it.)
the long-awaited juwenalia were nice. except i have the most hideous bruises on my legs, but i'm the only one to blame. maybe i'll finally learn my lesson this time around. ouch. i accidentally kicked myself in the biggest, most terrifyingly colorful bruise the other night, and proceeded to writhe in pain for the next 5 minutes or so. epic fail. but, well, knowing me, it could've been worse. i think.
i view it as quite useless mentioning how behind i am on schoolwork, because that much is more than apparent, and there's no point in discussing such nonsense. i'll get it together somehow. soon.
lenny kravitz is playing at midsummer!!! woo-hoo! definitely want to come and see that. there are a few songs of his i really like. although the thing i hate about midsummer is how there's a gazillion people there and it's crowded and you can't get through to anyone if you get lost and want to call and find your friends. that part sucks. but, with some careful planning, it should be fine and dandy. i'm stoked.
it's been a while again... i guess this journal will never be a diary type of thing, not with my loathing of anything systematic and repetitive, anyway. (wait a sec...do i actually possess loathing for that type of thing? whatever) the good news is, i'm now writing from my good old laptop, which has survived the coke flood i caused, though i did have to pay a pretty penny for saving it. :-/ but, the important thing is that it works and i didn't lose any of my photos, so i'm really glad about that. i'm contemplating the idea of finally making a movie out of all the short films marta, łukasz and i recorded in prague last may. but i have a crapload of work what with my german thesis (soooo behind on things it's like not even funny) and swedish classes, so i don't think i'll get around to it anytime soon. but then again, it's been about a year since then and i guess it doesn't make sense to create anything out of it for no good reason. though i do have to admit that i enjoy making movies and they're pretty fun to watch... if you're curious and possibly polish-speaking, you may enjoy this and this, a "documentary" i made about the student festivities we have in may of every year in cracow, which are called juwenalia. it's pretty silly, but you get the idea. and we had some really stellar movies from prague, so it would've been great if i could put together a good piece about it. i'll definitely give it some thought.
other than that, what else is new? well, i guess the most important thing i should mention is my long-awaited trip to planica, which was absolutely awesome. i loved it soooo much. i truly did have a shitload of fun!!! i guess next year though, we can just do without being there on wednesday - that was a bit of a waste. although the good part was seeing the lake. they actually opened a new club and it's so convenient because you can drink upstairs and then go dance downstairs. the down side is that you have to pay a fee to get in, but fuck that. it's not a bad place at all, the dancefloor is decent and i had a lot of fun there, for reals. with the friends i've known for a while, but also with people i just met, which in some cases was even more fun and curiously enlightening...which you would so not expect from a ski jumping trip, right? last place i'd think i could get some food for thought, but hey, life can surprise you. and it's oh so good when it does. basically, it was a great trip because the weather was glorious (for the most part), i had a blast cheering at the hill (ADAAAAAAM!!!!!! :D), and could just relax and really enjoy it... so refreshing. that's why i love planica...it's always so positive. maybe last year wasn't quite as positive, but that was because of my bad choices, not through any fault of planica's, haha. i wish there were more places where people were that friendly and life was as uncomplicated and fun. ahhh... :-)
ooookay, that's quite enough senseless rambling on my part, still have a fair share of work to do, grrr. :-/ i've just finished my desperados (yum) and am heading of towards the bathroom for a quick shower, then wrapping up the exercises i'm devising for the kids i teach english to... i'm slightly at a loss for motivation, i mean they don't really listen to me and do their best to defy me all the time, so why should i try? still, i'm in touch with my inner child enough to know that i would do exactly the same thing if i were them. (hell, i do all i can to get out of actually doing any work at any class i currently attend, so i'm not at all surprised or confused by their unwillingness...) so i guess i'll write some once i have more important stuff to talk about (or am bored out of my mind, whichever comes first...;-p)
man... what a week. i actually didn't make it to any classes. the stupid thing is, i keep telling myself i'm motivating myself to go later in the semester, because if i have no allowed absences left (we usually get 2 per semester), i'll know i absolutely have to go. it's just that i'm notoriously late, and if i know i'll pack a 15-minute delay, i figure it's best to not go at all. :-/ but i'm testing my strong will this coming week, and i plan to get to classes on time... the hard part will be the fact that i'm on the copenhagen diet since thursday, so there's a chance i'll feel tired and hungry and will not be very motivated to get to school in view of those obstacles... wednesday should be the worst - i'll only be getting some coffee in me and a piece of chicken meat. :s sounds hard! but i have to say that so far, i'm doing pretty well on the diet, i don't feel tired at all, and i'm only hungry in the morning... it actually seems like enough food, i'm just the one who's used to snacking all the time. so i hope it gets me started on losing enough weight to feel good about myself again.
in other news, i'm devastated because i spilled coke on my laptop last tuesday. i dried it off right away and didn't turn it back on until the next morning, but it can't find the operating system and makes this buzzing sound, which is really alarming. i already called my computer guy and he's coming on monday to pick it up and check it out... :-((( i'm so sad, i get really attached to things, so that laptop was my baby, not to mention the fact that i can't afford a new one and would hate to lose all the photos i have on it, which i haven't copied to alternate locations :-( this is so bad. i soooo hope it'll be able to work again because i have to work on my thesis and this is just making my life so much harder :-/ damn.
on a much happier note, i'll be a sports geek and say that today's nordic combined competition finish was one of the best i've ever seen! actually, since i haven't seen very many, it really was the best :) the way magnus moan just sped up in the last few meters was amazing, i didn't expect him to be able to get ahead of demong, much less koivuranta like that!! it was awesome. i guess it would be better for anssi to win before his countrymen, but moan fought hard for it and totally deserved it!!! all i can say is, wow. that's what i call sports!!
ahhh, those were the days. i spent so many of them listening to that song by myslovitz, in a very peculiar state, somewhere between a seemingly unlimited bliss and an overwhelming, deep-rooted sadness... i was wallowing in the fleeting joy i'd experienced and in the fear of the impending loss of everything i had hoped for and received, if only for a few hours. i was excited and scared, and very hopeful, but not free of doubt. "this just can't be summer love..." i wanted to believe it so, so much. but deep down, i couldn't. i never stood a chance. from then on, every step forward i tried to take in that most prized direction succeeded in throwing me violently back into place. bit by bit, spectacular catastrophe after spectacular catastrophe.
i always thought i was safe if i just had one thing i really, truly cared about. hell, i was the unsinkable titanic for all that was worth. bulls-eye.
but fortunately, all that is in the past now. one might wonder: is it possible to get over a feeling you've felt for years over merely an hour or so? maybe not. or not completely. but, survey says: yes. it can be done. under certain circumstances. besides... you can do anything you want to. that is, if you truly do want it.
"przez ciebie wpadłem w głęboką depresję już teraz nie wiem kim jestem bo naprawdę na dużo mnie stać to wszystko, czego chcę to wszystko, czego mi brak to wszystko, czego ja nigdy nie będę miał otwórz oczy, zobacz sam przed nami mgła zamykam oczy nie chcę widzieć, nie chcę czuć czy to koniec już? to koniec już"
1. lose that damn weight!!! (obviously) 2. stop procrastinating so much...it's reached the point where it's not amusing anymore 3. exercise regularly - important!! 4. eat healthier and take better care of myself 5. drink lots more water 6. drink less alk (which should rule out getting into dangerous situations) 7. stop swearing and being loud and embarrassing, etc., especially when inebriated 8. stop falling for the wrong guys all the time 9. study swedish more, as well as other languages (czech? norwegian? russian? slovak?) 10. be more feminine and girly
that would be it. i'm not listing "write thesis and get my master's degree" as one of them, since i have a tendency to break my resolutions. (i really do hope i keep these, though... @_@) but yeah, i definitely want to do that. i have to! that should be funny - me with a decent education... who'da thunk? lol
other than that... new year's eve was lots of fun. i spent it with marta, her boyfriend and some friends, mostly of his. it was pretty fun - a whole lot of joyful drinking. of course, i rang in the new year crying, since i always have this problem with facing a date change. but anyway. now next week it's off to zakopane for ski jumping - yes, here we go again - and i've already started having disturbing dreams about it. i dreamed that i was bringing laxatives and mushroom soup to some finnish jumpers (larinto and niemi, i think), and that they were mean to me in spite of my caring and kind behavior. eh well, not too far from the true way things can go there. i'm looking forward to seeing all my friends, since no one i really like is jumping anymore. (or maybe it's just that i haven't scrutinized the start lists to a satisfactory extent.)
so it's off to kraktown for me now, where i finally have internet access! yay. my addiction is truly particular, since i've been able to wing it without the internetz for so long... which is good. i think.
as every year, i would like to wish all my lj friends and anyone who finds their way here a very merry christmas, spent with loved ones in a great atmosphere, and all the best in the coming new year. :)
wesołych świąt i szczęśliwego nowego roku! veselé vánoce a šťastný nový rok! fröhliche weihnachten und einen guten rutsch ins neue jahr! god jul och gott nytt år! hyvää joulua ja onnelista uutta vuotta!
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
zayonchek's journal
nerdy
anxious
bouncy
enthralled
rejuvenated
excited
blah
contemplative
busy